Dating Den Episode 218 – Bachelor Recap: With Chris Gillis — Did You Stalk the Guy You Are Dating Online? And Other Dating with Dignity Basics
On this week’s Bachelor recap, Marni and Chris relate the on-screen drama to real-life dating scenarios. Michelle takes off as a front runner, Sarah does the right thing, and Queen Victoria overreacts, again. Chris cites examples from the man-panelist segment of the previous Ignite Your Life event.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- Why it is a bad idea to stalk your date online
- Bringing up the drama in your life on first dates
- What to do if you feel ignored by a guy
- The beauty of being authentic
Don’t Judge a Guy Based On His Instagram Profile [2:38]
Whether we realize it or not we all have cognitive bias. Many women automatically think that all men are this, or all men are like that. This type of thinking comes from our limiting beliefs. So, when we search for information online about a guy, you will view it through the lens of what your limiting belief is.
Chris shares an example of a man panel experience where a woman’s limiting belief was guys were intimidated because she does very well financially. But, that was the story she told herself. Her limiting beliefs were leaking. There is an armor that comes up to protect us from whatever the limiting belief is attempting to protect us from.
Don’t stalk someone online just let them show up as who they are.
What if I am Feeling Ignored and Scared? [11:43]
During the Bachelor, Queen Victoria felt ignored by Matt. Her reaction to feeling ignored came off as vulnerable and needy. Marni says a better strategy would be to do what Bri did. The entire concept of the show is for a guy to leave a series of breadcrumbs, but the ladies do not have to take the bait.
If you are in a situation where a guy is breadcrumbing for two months, try saying, “I’m in a place where I am looking to meet people, see if there is a connection, and date them. What are you looking for? If you would ask me out, I would say yes.”
If you approach the situation like above and the guy needs more than that, get the heck out of there. You don’t want to be with someone so wishy-washy! Be direct. Tell him you are done with the BS but in a nice way.
If you are putting yourself in front of a guy and he is not picking up what you are putting down, just say no. Then, ask yourself why you are doing it. What do you need to learn that keeps you attracted to or interested in that
Michelle is Magic [33:43]
Marni and Chris talk about Matt’s date with Michelle. They both agree that she didn’t stand out as a front runner before the great date. Michelle is not the glamoury, Instagram-type model with a traditional sense of beauty. But, being irresistible isn’t just about what size you are, your ‘prettiness’ level, etc. Being fun with playful energy goes a long way.
At first, Chris says he was watching the Matt/Michelle date with his guy eye. He didn’t think much about her but by the end of watching the date, he found her gorgeous. Marni says it is because Michelle is authentic and she is genuinely trying to find out if Matt is the guy for her.
When you are in ‘I hope you pick me’ mode you are self-moderating to try and be who you think the person would like.
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