Dating Den Episode 240 – With Michael Golowyn: The High-Quality Questions to Ask Yourself to Get Over a Break-up
Today, Marni speaks with a former victim of heartbreak and grief. Michael Golowyn was plagued with rejection, abandonment, and failed relationships for 20-years until he learned to transform his heartbreak into inspiration. Author of the bestselling book, Transforming Your Life V2, Michael discovered a unique solution to overcome heartache and draw in the right person.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- How to overcome heartbreak
- Understand why certain partners were in your life
- A proven process for getting over the wrong guy
- Why some singles steer away from relationships
- How to draw in your ideal partner
Do Men Experience Break-up Grief? [2:39]
After a devastating break-up in 2016, Michael realized he had an opportunity to work on himself. He found time to work on a process that works for heartbreak, but it also helps singles manifest their ideal partner. His process is adapted from John DiMartini’s groundbreaking work.
Michael says when we are highly emotional, we are operating from the amygdala, and when we experience a break-up, we go through withdrawal. Exactly like withdrawals from an addiction. We become addicted to certain qualities of a partner. When we break-up, we must grieve and break our addiction.
Our subconscious only sees half the data when we are emotional.
To recover, we need a substitute to latch on to. Michael says it relates to the Conservation of Energy principle, one of the most fundamental laws in physics.
One by one we must replace the addiction to our ex’s attributes. It helps bring down the grief. Our survival instincts are to move away from pain and toward pleasure. We need to stop and use our intuition instead of instincts.
Break Down the Break-up [20:32]
If the relationship you are grieving is based on sex, comfort, or safety Michael’s process works the same for every type. He says to make a list of everything you miss about your ex and consider who else in your life can replace those feelings.
Ask yourself high-quality questions to remember when your ex exhibited an attribute you were infatuated with and identify how it was a disadvantage to your life and how it harmed your life. Eventually, you recognize how bad your ex was for you.
Life has a way of evolving itself around what our values are.
Singles may be perpetually single because there is a subconscious pain associated with being in relationships they are not acknowledging.
They may have unconscious motives to stay single and unresolved baggage.
Michael says our past partners reflect everything, even issues we have with our parents. They are in our life for a time to help us wake up. It’s feedback. We have all the answers we just need to know how to work it.
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