Dating Den Episode 120 – With Marni Battista: What Do I Do When He Disappears or He is Really Inconsistent?
In this very special solo episode, Marni offers up some tools and guidelines about how to deal with a ‘ghoster’ or a non-communicative guy after you have started dating. She describes how you deal with the situation internally without having it kill your joy. And, when it’s appropriate to communicate with him to find out why he disappeared or is being inconsistent.
It’s Him, Not You [4:04]
The most important thing to remember if a guy starts exhibiting this behavior is that you are awesome. His behavior is in no way a reflection of who you are. Know at your core that you are completely lovable and enough.
Are you initiating on a date? The man should have the space to pursue you and ask you out. Remember, the dating process is designed to help you know if another person is a match for you. Nothing more, nothing less. And, what happens between you and the person between dates is just as important as the data you collect on a date.
Ladies, Your job is to know you are awesome, to be cautiously optimistic, and to understand what the person has earned from you based on his behavior.
When we start to like someone we open up to get all mushy and soft and then something happens so we put our walls up and are not sure how to respond. If this happens:
- Do not get attached to the outcome because you don’t really know who the person is anyway.
- Don’t shut down and stand-offish.
- Just stay empowered and chill.
If you have gone out on 3 or 4 dates and a gap exists in your communication it is ok to call and question the situation. A quality guy will respond and let you know what is up.
Don’t Waste Your Time [10:43]
When you finally have a conversation you need to figure out where things are going and get your questions answered.
If a guy just disappears bless him and release him. He just told you how he would be in the future,
If you text and he doesn’t answer let it go. You don’t need penpals. This situation will create too much emotional clutter.
If you have been talking with someone and go on a few dates but then a week goes by and you don’t hear from him use this strategy — if it’s between the 5th and the 8th day of a guy disappearing send a message that asks a simple question that allows him to re-engage.
Tell him that this isn’t moving forward like you prefer and let it go!
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