Dating Den Episode 226 – With Tammy and Brooke: Getting Honest About Self-Care — Why Putting Yourself Last Impacts How You Get Treated by Men
Because self-care is more than getting a manicure, Marni welcomes self-love and self-care experts Brooke Emery and Tammy Lawman into the Den. The duo has been recognized by Forbes as being connectors. They share the secrets of making meaningful connections in life and how to know your value, trust your intuition, and create a deep love and appreciation of yourself.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- Express yourself more fully
- Creating a self-love container
- Add joy to your life
Creating a Self-Love Container [6:59]
To create a self-love container a person needs to be their whole self without worrying about or changing to fit other people’s expectations of you. This means radically accepting who you are at your core by speaking your truth and getting clear about what you want.
Almost always, the things that bring us the most joy do not cost money. Make a list of the ways you find joy and gratitude. Then bring more joy and love into your day with mini-steps. You may not like doing the dishes but if you play your favorite song while you do them, you might just have fun.
Creating a self-love container is about individuals designing the life they want for themselves, not taking a cookie-cutter approach. What’s the problem and what’s the truth in how you feel about it? Do things that push your growth edges. If you lean into something you are scared of, the thing doesn’t have control over you and it will give you a sense of freedom.
Self-Care Practices Help Us Build Better Connections [16:48]
When your container is full and you don’t have to look outside of you to create a feeling of fullness you can go into situations with a higher level of confidence. Connections will naturally happen and have flow.
Transactional partnerships don’t always offer mutual respect.
Marni says in a dating situation your why is to learn about the other person and allow the other person to experience you. It is possible to create an upward spiral of fun juju so people want to be around you no matter what you do.
Use a date as an opportunity to show the other person you are genuinely curious about them.
Self-Care is Not Selfish! [22:19]
Some women believe if they take care of themselves first they are being selfish. But, it just is not true. It’s like the example on an airplane, a parent should put the oxygen mask on themselves first. That way they can be of service to other people.
Put yourself in the energy of a goddess or queen.
If you are giving a possible future partner only half of yourself because you are exhausted at the end of the day, the person will feel it and it is not fair to them or you. You will have more to give and enjoy your life more if you have boundaries around your time.
No is a complete sentence. You don’t have to add an excuse.
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