Dating Den Episode 231 – Bachelor Recap: With Chris Gillis — The Neon Signs You Are Not Seeing That He Will Never Commit
On this week’s Bachelor recap, Marni and Chris discuss the season finale of the Bachelor. In this no-holds-barred episode, we learn how to detect red flags early when we meet a non-committal, Teflon-like Matt James type in the real dating world. A guy may be cute, and he may be charming but if he shows no interest in being vulnerable, he is emotionally unavailable.
Key takeaways from this episode:
- Why a crumbs guy is not a bad person, just damaged
- Defining emotional unavailability
- Getting closure when a relationship doesn’t work out
- The next Bachelorette
Does He Have Potential? [2:03]
The Bachelor episode, as disappointing as it was, held some beneficial lessons for real-world dating. Marni points out the Matt James attributes that make him a relationship-commitment-phobic f*&k boy. She warns us that in the end, a f*&k boy will be a dick. He may be cute, but he will disappear with no remorse. It pisses Marni off because he comes off as a guy who has potential.
From the male perspective, Chris says when men think of a f*&k boy, they think of an asshole. But, Matt James and those like him are wolves in sheep’s clothing. Even though he seems warm and fuzzy, he is a player.
The f*&k boy, the quality casual guy, or the crumbs guy isn’t a bad person. He is human and he is going through his stuff. BUT, he is not for you.
Closure [27:02]
In the episode, we learn that Michelle asks Matt for a few minutes off-camera to fully understand what happened and to get closure but he denies her. To add a drop of cruelty, he doesn’t even say he is sorry he hurt her. He instead says, ‘I am sorry you had that reaction’.
Beyond being a jerk move, it is another example of Matt demonstrating that he doesn’t have any stock in the game. He has been doing this to Rachael the entire season. Marni says Racheal is emotionally unavailable also, that is why Matt knew he could be so rude.
Matt James isn’t a quality guy. He didn’t treat the women well AND he kisses with his eyes open!!
Chris and most of America want closure. Chris asks Marni, ‘What do you do when you can’t get closure? How do you learn from it and move on?’
You can not hide from what you are leaking when you are in pain.
Marni recommends looking at your motivation for closure and there must be a grieving process. When any type of relationship or investment of time ends we need space to grieve and process what happened.
In conclusion, Matt James is a poster child for an emotionally unavailable person. And, Michelle will be America’s next Bachelorette.
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